Staying with Your Practice

The other night I was finishing up a private yoga session at the gym I work at.  At this gym the client buys a set of training sessions at once, and when they run out the client decides if they want to "re up" or if they want to stop the sessions.  Jackie, my client, had just finished her last session when she turned to me and said, in an almost self indulgent tone, "oh, I re up'd. I just can't help myself."  Jackie told me that during our sessions her husband misses her at home, and there's work that she should be doing at her office. But she just "can't help" practicing yoga.  At the time I thought this comment to be meaningless and it passed by just as quickly as it came.  But today, about five days later, that comment came back to me as a huge inspiration. Why? Because I can help it. Practice lately has become more of an obligation to me than a pleasure. Today I came up with every excuse to myself as to why I can't practice; from PMS to "I'm hungry" to if I eat now I'll have to wait until my stomach is empty to practice, blah blah blee bloo blah blah.  I'm a pretty creative person, so the list went on and on.  But you know what ultimately happened?  I became depressed as the day went on and I didn't practice.  I became stuck in a place of unhappiness and ennui. Ultimately I made a choice; instead of allowing myself to fall deeper and deeper into that feeling of depression, I stopped and asked myself, "why are you depressed?"  To which I replied, " because I feel sluggish, stuck, fat and like a failure."

"And why's that?"

"Because I've been starring at the computer screen for hours and haven't left the couch. I didn't want to practice."

"And why didn't you want to practice?"

"Too much work."

"Is it really?"

Right then I peeled myself off the couch and had a delicious restorative/gentle hatha yoga practice.  It was only 45 minutes, but when the practice is sincere and pure, time seems to matter less and less.  You see, my practice actually began when I started asking myself questions. Digging deeper.  Why am I doing what I'm doing? (or rather not doing).  Am I ok with that decision? Is there anything I think I can do to help my situation? 

Digging deeper.

Looking closer.

That's practicing Yoga.

Jackie's words rung truer to me than I had originally realized. I guess I can't help it either. In fact, I could have skipped the hatha pracice and just meditated on what going on on the inside and THAT would have been an exquisite practice.  ( But I really did need to shave my chunky butt of the couch).  The point is, your practice really doesn't have to be physically exhausting or work.  It can be as simple as noticing your natural breath or turning in and asking your self the real questions.  

After my practice, I felt inspired, energetic, and out of the depression mode.  Just a tip for those who are "tired" of practicing yoga: don't ever attach a presupposed idea of what your practice should be (stupid ego).  Practice everyday? Yes. Practice the same way everyday? No. I'd say not. Turn in, see where you are in that present moment and go from there. While your at it, try to skip the opinions about yourself because of your inaction (they're a waste of time. Trust me). And guess what, if you decide not to practice after all of this, the mat is there tomorrow also.